Cinnamon and Spice, All Things Nice!

        I am always looking for ways to update this house of mine. There are countless things "wrong" with it, like the front door screen that is ripped from top to bottom, the endless stains on our light light light beige carpet (might as well call it white), the hideous shell shaped brown bathroom sink, the nasty carpet in the basement, the warped wood paneling in the basement, and chipped paint here and there. As I look at all the imperfections I get a little frustrated and wish we would just fix all the problems. But instead I tend to mask all the imperfections like covering up the stains with a little rug, putting a bookshelf over the warped area of the warped wall in the basement, decorating the ugly brown sink with cute little trinkets, and hanging a picture up over the chipped paint. And if my house starts to smell like boys (which it does quite often!) I will do what I found that works great, which is take some orange peels, brown sugar, cinnamon and a little oil and throw it all in a small little pot then simmer it over the stove for about 30-45 minutes. Works like a charm! The house smells sooooo good and I feel much better about the smelly boy smell in my house. 
         Isn't this true of ourselves as well? We can find so many imperfections about ourselves and try to mask those things with "stuff." I do it all the time! Is that a pimple? Cover it up! Is my hair not functioning today? Pull it up in a ponytail! Isn't it the same with other imperfections as well? I find myself trying to "cover up" things often. If my house is a mess and I know company is coming over I rush to clean clean clean because heaven forbid someone knows I have a messy house! If something is upsetting me and I have been crying, I refuse to leave the house until all signs of crying are gone because the thought of someone knowing I'm having a bad day is unacceptable. If I'm annoyed by someone I still find myself smiling because it's the polite thing to do. 
        In your opinion, are masks necessary? Or are they in the way of living our lives the way God had intended us to live? God calls us to live honestly and with integrity. Does that include the things we often try to keep to ourselves and try to hide from the outside world? Is it o.k. to mask all the unpleasant things with all things nice? 
        I think it's unhealthy to have so many masks and then depend on the masks more and more as we age. However, in some circumstances I think it's the proper thing to do. I'm thankful that with my husband I can take all my masks off and know that he still loves me. Same goes for my family and friends. Isn't it funny though, that I try to mask things with God? He's the one that knows and see's everything about me...and yet if I try to ignore Him I think I don't have to deal with whatever it is I'm trying to hide. Maybe it's because I know God will challenge me to change those things when I'm so comfortable wearing the masks. Change is hard, especially when you're so used to being that way! Wearing masks is easy.
       There is no such thing as a honky dory life and everyone has imperfections. I need to work on realizing that I don't need to mask so many things in my life. I never expect anyone else to be perfect. In fact, I would rather have people in my life who take their masks off for me. So, the next time I have company I will leave a few toys on the floor, I will leave the house with my hair down and looking funny AND laugh about it, and the next time I want to cry, gosh darn it I will! But that yucky boy smell? That has got to go! No need to let anyone in on that nastyness! Bring on the cinnamon and spice and all things nice! :)

Pieces of a Heavy Heart

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately...about Haiti, the orphans, my friends who want to bring their babies home and feeling helpless, finances, selling this house, having my mother-in-law possibly move in with us, what school we are going to send Ben to, finding a second job, becoming foster parents, my friends who need to be comforted and wondering if this heavy heart is from God. My heart has been so heavy in the last couple of weeks, even before the earthquake struck Haiti. I don't know what God has in store for us this year, but I guarantee it's not going to be little. I have been asking myself lately if I'm doing enough, if I'm using enough of my abilities to make God proud of me. Last year was pretty laid back and I am thankful for that since the previous 4 years were so emotionally crazy. This year I am ready for something bigger. Something better.

Mark will be busy this year with the release of their new album, "Pieces Of a Real Heart," which I personally believe is truly their best work yet. But a new album release means a lot of touring and time away from home for Mark. That also means I have to get my act together and go into major mommy mode. And yet here I am with a heavy heart for the children of Haiti, the orphans here in Toledo, my mother-in-law who just hasn't been able to get back on her feet 100% since losing her husband of over 25 years, and wondering if I'm doing enough with my own two sons. It's not that I'm sad or going through one of those "mid-life crisis." It's about wanting more than what's in front of me. I'm realizing as I'm getting to be in my mid-30's (YIKES!!!) that I don't want to waste the time God has given me here on earth. I want to glorify Him and make Him proud of me. I want my children to be proud of me and I want them to live their lives for God.

It's funny, before having kids I had this image in my head of what motherhood would be like. It was a beautiful picture in my head: the sun is shining, the grass is green, there is laughter surrounding us, I'm skinny and looking amazing with long flowing hair, we are skipping along a tree-lined road and singing songs about being happy together. Well, the reality of it is...not so much...haha! But I still love being a mommy. I am so proud of my boys and love them so much (even if I am 4 sizes larger and my hair is turning gray). I can't imagine how anyone could love them more than me, but in my heart I know that God loves them beyond anything I could ever imagine. So as a mother who loves my boys, how can I not want them to follow God, who loves them more than I do? How could I not want what is best for them, which is a life filled with the many joys that only God can give? Of course that is what I want for them! Which brings me back to my heavy heart and wanting to do more. I think Mark and I took our first steps today just by talking about all of the things I mentioned earlier. Next is to pray about them all, and truly give them to God and listen for His answers. Today I am beyond ready to say yes to whatever God has coming our way. And I must say, that is a very scary thing! (But in a good way, of course!)

Our Little Duncan

Sad day for the Graalman household. Duncan went missing. He is Nathan's little buddy and we all love him. Mark brought Duncan home a little over a year ago from London and little Nate was attached ever since. Last night was horrible. Nate could not, would not and didn't sleep. He tossed, he turned, he cried, he screamed, and finally at 3:13a.m. he stopped. Today was a little better though. I found a little elephant that is just as soft as Duncan and has big floppy ears like Duncan. It is definitely not Duncan, and Nate threw the poor elephant on the floor, but once nap time came around he decided to give Peanut a try. Nate miraculously took a 3 & 1/2 hour nap and went to bed tonight without a fight. I hope this keeps up! But what I hope even more is that we will be able to find Duncan. I actually love that little monkey. Seeing Nate today without his little buddy made me a little sad and I couldn't help but feel like something was missing from Nate today. Silly, I know. But Duncan has become an honorary member of this family.

So, where ever you are, sweet Duncan, I do hope you will return to us soon! We miss you, especially Nater-tot!